Done...

It is done. I talked to Dave for the last time in a long time. I almost held back the tears, but sort of cracked at the end - then bawled after I hung up with him. He said he might call me just to talk to me sometime. I told him to try not to; it's better for us not to rely on each other at all. I'm still trying to convince myself that what I chose is the best thing. I prayed about it - and for the first time, instead of crying my head off, I felt peace. I felt okay. It was different. The feeling was obvious - different. Even though I want to talk to him, I'm not going to. I will move forward now. Begining today. I know it wouldn't be the biggest deal if we check in on each other every once in a while, but really what is the point? The best thing that can come from that is that we know how the other is doing - worst case could be that we start talking more regularly and become socially dependent on each other again and then we have to go through this ALL OVER AGAIN. It's not healthy. It's hard. Like I said - the hardest thing I've done so far. I love him more then any guy I've known. I really do. But that's why we have to give each other space. I don't completely understand why Dave doesn't like it - I think if he had it his way we would continue talking and texting everyday, hanging out, maybe kissing/cuddling once in a while .... okay I'll give him some credit, he would be ok with being friends without benefits... But why keep in touch with an ex-girlfriend who is more emotionally attached to you then you are to her? I am giving him an easy out. Why doesn't he want to take it? I don't know. It's all very confusing. But I'm not going to dwell on it. He does understand, and I'm pretty sure he's going to do it (not call me or text me or anything), so that's what matters.

I'm getting out there and moving forward. I have a ward activity tonight - I don't know many people in my ward. I'm excited to go back and visit Tennessee in June (where I served a mission for the LDS church from Sept 2007 to April 2009) and then start my job with Wells Fargo (after I get home from the trip)... And hopefully take some online classes. I am going to throw myself into these new beginings.

That'd be cool if someone actually read these posts. Maybe someone does. Let me know. I'd appreciate it. Or don't. It's ok if you want to remain unknown.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

Kalli Dawn